Author: Sue Jacintho

chill and spill

I want… freedom, safety, peace, quiet, comfort, energy, health, to be understood, to matter, to love and be loved.

I need… stillness, understanding, solitude, quiet, rest, to think, to understand.

I fear… harm, exploitation.

I wish… a peaceful, comfortable, loving, energetic, healthy, fulfilling, and joyful life for my kids, for my family, for my self, for my friends, for my friends’ families, for everyone.

I hope… my kids are kind, genuine, considerate, healthy, and responsible. I hope they live a meaningful life. I hope they are safe and free and peaceful and joyful.

I expect… everything to be just fine.

I am… fine.

I love… life.

“Can you multitask?”

Yes, actually I am losing my mind and chilling at the same time.

Lifted from Facebook

The Way of Things

It’s the way of things. We come into the world, we live for a time, we depart. As for the appearance, I don’t know how much choice is involved. From the river of souls, did I choose this vessel to inhabit? And for the living, how do I know how it is done? Purpose. What is expected? How do I do it? What are the rules of the game? How is it meant to be played? Meaning. What’s it all about? Why do we play this game?

I don’t know how anyone prepares for loss. Even when it’s not a surprise, it still sears and shatters. So I keep reminding myself that it’s the way of things. Acceptance. I’m working on acceptance. I think about purpose. And meaning. The cosmic goo of existence. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust. My mother and my other mother, dear birdies, both left us in January. Mom, a year ago, Meredith, now. I am so lucky to have so many mothers. Did I learn what they needed to teach me? Am I ready for life? Can I teach my children what they need to know?

I’m missing my mothers, these mothers who mothered so many. How many people are missing my mothers this day? So many of us! A veritable tribe. They’re not truly gone. They live on in me, in us, this broad and wide family they embraced for the time that they had breath.

My mothers taught me much. Not so much with words or directions, but in the ways they lived their own lives. Fierce. Proud. Protective. Stubborn. Steadfast. Unwavering. Compassionate. Tenacious. Defiant. Reliable. Resourceful. Cooperative. Helpful. Loving. Imaginative. Creative. Playful. Competitive. Sharp. Enduring. Inclusive. Nurturing. Strong. Mighty. Humble. Simple. Friendly.

My Mothers

I am so very rich for the life they shared with me.

Sixteen

Happy birthday to my Mister Remarkable. You march to the beat of your own drummer, and you always have. You’ve got things going on in your head that are inexplicable to mere mortals. You’ve always stood out in a crowd, no matter the crowd. Like Fezzik from The Princess Bride, “It’s Not My Fault Being The Biggest And The Strongest. I Don’t Even Exercise.” You’ve rocked my world from the moment we met, and I can’t imagine what life would be like if this world didn’t have you. You are a superstar.

Happy Birthday!

churn churn churn

shinrin-yoku
Shinrin-Yoku

To everything (churn, churn, churn)
There is a season (churn, churn, churn)
And a time to every purpose, under heaven…

Pete Seeger, The Byrds, Ecclesiastes 3, and Me

And thus 2020.

Bravo to the resilience of the human heart! Scattered amongst the rubble and ashes are sparkles and glints of hope and new beginnings where gems have formed from the upheaval.

Gems, not geRms… And granted, it can be difficult to see much of anything besides the detritus. Especially when you’re drowning in it. Or suffocating. So much loss for so many. We endure much as we navigate through these remarkable times.

I spend a lot of time thinking about thought, energy, and intention. If thoughts are tangible (THEY ARE!, neuroscience, yo), imagine what the air would look like if we could see the energy footprint of each thought? Polluted, at the very least. It’s been hard to breathe, so to speak. How do people behave when they can’t breathe? Frantic. And how does that further affect the existing murk? It’s easy to feel helpless. I may not be able to control much, but I can control my own contribution, the energy footprint of my own thoughts. I can shelter my thoughts. Garbage in, garbage out… And thus I keep a heavy filter on my system input, self-sequestered from much, and especially media.

Be responsible for the energy that you bring…

Variations plastered all over the internet by a number of sources (including Jill Bolte Taylor, Oprah, Brené Brown, and others)

How much damage we might be doing ourselves with our innocuous comments. All the times I’ve automatically thought PITA for one reason or another, the realization dawns that perhaps this persistent ache radiating from my hip might not exist had I the presence of mind to pay attention to what I was thinking. So, in the interest of improving the air quality and cleaning up my emissions, I’ve taken the liberty to enhance some expressions (because words are power) for everyday use. Each expression comprised of life affirming components. Holy. Almighty. Heaven. It sure beats a pain in the @$$…

Cleaning up my emissions

Someone who thinks she’s clever

HAH!
/hä/

exclamation
exclamation: hah

Acronym for HOLY ALMIGHTY HEAVEN! –used to express surprise, suspicion, triumph, or some other emotion.
“HAH! That’ll teach you!”

AHH
/ä/

exclamation
exclamation: ah

Acronym for ALMIGHTY HOLY HEAVEN –used to express a range of emotions including surprise, pleasure,sympathy, and realization.
“AHH, There you are!”

We spent more time living life than recording life, so there isn’t much photo evidence of our sweetest moments. Even with the world in such turmoil, we managed to go camping (TWICE!) and enjoyed some extra special family times. Jesse was spared the trauma of middle school new beginnings, avoiding the throngs of 7th graders funneling into the big school, and enjoys the extended anonymity of online school. Jaedyn also prefers online school, but does miss his high school social life. I retired from my day job — almost 34 years slogging away for what I hoped was the greater good — and took on my life’s dream job, which was (IS!) to be a stay at home mom (SAHM). I miss my people, though, having shared a lifetime with them; they are so very dear to me.

How blessed we are, my boys and I, to be able to wait out this present madness from the beauty and safety of our own Shangri-La. We were social distancers long before it became fashionable.

Shangri-La

In addition to avoiding politics and pestilence, I’ve embarked on a vocation which I call joyscaping, and started an organization – joyscapes.org – to capture some of it. It is an all encompassing vocation that embraces anything that produces joy. For some time now, I’ve been pursuing interests in frequency, color, light, sound, energy, thought, harmony, and wellness. Jesse’s been taking a digital arts class this semester, and as an opportunistic tutor, I’ve been dabbling with some of the tools that the school makes available. So far, I’ve made some collages exploring some of these themes. When in Rome…

I’m looking forward to the new shiny that emerges from these interesting times. For 2021, specifically, I’m very much looking forward to less private tutoring and more in-person education for the boys, hoping school reopens in the fall — mama wants needs more FREE time, ME time! 2020 was a year of wear and tear, to say the least. We are grateful to be well and healthy. We are grateful for this life. And we are always hopeful for a better today and a better tomorrow. 🙂

Be well.

Shalom.

Webelos Artist Achievement

Portfolio

framed original art

framed original art

framed original art

 

 primary and secondary colors

primary and secondary colors

primary and secondary colors

 

 sculpture

CAM03651

dinosaur, skull, and bone – clay sculpture

 

abstract sculpture using paperclips and an eraser

mobile

 

lego mobile

lego mobile

construction

construction - village

construction – village

Paris and Rome

Kathy and I went to Paris and Rome in 2002.  What a wonderful adventure we had!!

116-1629_IMG

Gargoyle atop Notre Dame

Sculpted Gardens in the Loire  Valley

Sculpted Gardens in the Loire Valley

Rodin's Gates of Hell

The Gates of Hell

This is one of my favorite Rodin works, along with the Burghers of Calais.

Castle Door

Castle Door

We took a tour of the Châteaux of the Loire Valley. It was glorious!

The sense of antiquity in Italy is like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.

The Colosseum

The Colosseum

117-1707_IMG

Somewhere in Rome

 

Tis Funny Dear

(written by my Grandpa)

‘Tis funny, dear

How life goes on

When we are far apart

For every time I leave you, dear

I always leave my heart

When the sky is cloudy up above

And all the world seems blue

I turn my thoughts to you and home

And then the light shines through

I never fear what lies ahead

No matter where I roam

For it’s just my empty body, dear

My heart’s with you at home

Written by Carl G. Nelson, April 5, 1948

Pinup Girls

(By my grandpa, Marine, hero, great man)

All the boys in service

Have a pinup girl or two

But Daddy, he has three of them –

There’s Dot and Pidge and Lou

Daddy wants his pinups

Just as much as other boys

And Daddy’s little pinups

Are his pride and greatest joys

He did not pin them on the wall

But put them in his heart

And he will always keep them there

And with them never part

Written by Carl G. Nelson, 1945

Joy According to Sue

(My thoughts on the meaning of Joy, written when my nephew Max was a baby.)

Joy is the light that shines in Max’s eyes when he gurgles and smiles as I tickle him, hold him by his ankles and turn him upside down then right side up again. Joy is boundless, timeless, without restriction; it’s like Buzz Lightyear, reaching to infinity and beyond. It’s like a sunbeam, breaking through the clouds. Joy is freedom. Joy is being outside on a spring day when the sky is blue and the trees are budding, their leaves dancing to a light breeze. I close my eyes, lift my face to the sky, feel the cool air against my skin, and fill my lungs as full as I can. My heart swells and I capture the experience of peace, freedom, love, beauty, and contentment, all in that deep breath. For a moment I glimpse the comprehension of the enormity of God’s creation.

Joy is the thankfulness in my heart for the knowledge that my family is alive, safe, and well. Joy is the thankfulness in my heart that I have a family. Joy is the thankfulness in my heart for my family who have love in their lives. Joy is the thankfulness in my heart for my own personal restored hope.

Joy is not something that someone can give me (or take from me). Joy is an expression, or product, of love. Without love, there can be no joy. With love, there may be no joy, because Joy is a choice.

Joy is the light that shines in Max’s eyes because he is pure and innocent and loves without condition.

My personal Joy on a scale of 1 to 10 is 3.14159, mostly because I tend to allow myself to be distracted by the cares of this world. To increase Joy, I should be less selfish and more like Max.

One could categorize LifeExperiences as ThingsThatPlease and ThingsThatAnnoy, then apply an appropriate and meaningful weighting factor to each category. Let the WeightingFactor for ThingsThatPlease be 100, and for ThingsThatAnnoy it shall be 0.01. The MentalAttention given to a particular LifeExperience shall be the LifeExperience*WeightingFactor, thus for ThingsThatPlease, the MentalAttention should be 10,000 times as much as it would be for ThingsThatAnnoy. With one’s mental attention focused more on pleasing things, one might be more inclined toward thankfulness and happiness. With a mind thusly inclined, one might be more likely to choose Joy.

Written by S. C. Kim, 25 Apr 01

Time to Rhyme

(My thoughts on agency fees…)

Who has time to make a rhyme?

I know I don’t, so I guess I won’t.

It’s not being old that gave me this cold,

and you shouldn’t scoff when I have to cough.

Now I’ve lost my voice, which wasn’t my choice.

If I try to talk, all I get is a squawk.

But it’s more like a squeak, and I sound like a freak!

The meatloaf for dinner won’t make me thinner,

and I shouldn’t have swallowed the turkey that followed.

It’s not too late to compensate.

I could go to the gym and try to get slim.

There’s daylight left for weights to heft.

I could take a bike ride, but I’ll let that one slide.

I think that instead I will lie on my bed,

or else tv I’ll watch while drinking some Scotch.

It puts a nice coat on the back of my throat.

I’ll let this food settle, then I’ll put on the kettle,

and boil some water for Mom’s middle daughter.

It would be common for her to have Ramen,

and poach a few eggs while stretching her legs.

She’ll be home soon, humming a tune,

but she’ll likely be tired – Hey that reminds me — I could get fired!

Yes it’s true, I should probably sue.

I have until tomorrow, and it fills me with sorrow,

to pay union dues, or this peon they’ll lose.

Should I sign that dotted line

for payroll deduction and paycheck reduction?

Why’s it so hard, to send in that card?

I could abstain, perhaps to my gain,

but I don’t really know, if I’m ready to go.

Really I’m not, I’ve given it thought.

There’s more to be learned before the bridges are burned.

What would they do if they didn’t have Sue?

Who am I kidding, they’ve done their last bidding.

I’m but a drop in the bucket, so I should say F*%$ it!

Who said that? I smell a rat!

Sue would never talk like that!

Written by S. C. Kim, 28 Sep 00

Ship for Fools

What’s it all about

Knowing, yet not knowing

Day by day

Living as a Fool

Hope is the risk I take

Faith is a ship for Fools

And sailing onward

I go

Daring to dream

Roulette with my heart

My very life

Torn by the struggle

Raging deep within

Truth versus doubt

Who holds the upper hand?

The stakes are high

Or are they?

For what is lost

Other than pride

To surrender pride

Is no loss

At all

And there remains

the reward

Spoil to the victor

If a victor there be

If I win

I win all

If I lose

It is but pride

And pride is for fools

Written by S. C. Kim, 16 May 94

Cruel Hands

(Quintessentially pathetic and hilarious)

Cruel hands hewed an axe through my sternum

Cruel hands clutched either side and wrenched it apart

Cruel hands wrapped icy fingers about my heart

Cruel hands squeezed until my soul oozed out

Cruel hands dashed the tattered remains to the ground

And as the shattered pieces of my being lay scattered

He with the cruel hands laughed

Are all hands as cruel as his?

Written by S. C. Kim, 1989

I Thank You Mom

You are the sun

Greeting the world with Love’s warm glow

You are the oak

A pillar of strength standing tall and proud

You are a breeze

Gently your whispers caress the soul

You are the rock

Alone in a sea of merciless waves

You are the river

Giving yourself so that others may grow

For all you have done

For what I’ve become

I thank you Mom

Written by S. C. Kim, October 1986

Great Expectations

Living in a shadow

Waiting for a sign

Dreams are not reality

But dreams I hope to find

Cast away from time

Adrift upon the sea

A restless cloud of turmoil

Writhes inside of me

Lonely in the dark

Seeking for the Light

Great Expectations lost

Captured by the night

Tears like morning dew

Trickle from my eyes

It’s time to face the morning

And kiss the dreams goodbye

Written by S. C. Kim, 1980s
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